The death of a family member is an inevitable experience. It’s something no one can avoid or prepare for. When your parents die, your entire world is changed in the blink of an eye – grief becomes such an intense feeling that you wonder how you’ll ever be able to go on living without them.
How To Properly Deal With The Trauma
But remember: they will always live on in your memories and thoughts. This article intends to help guide you through the process of healing after experiencing such a cold and abrupt loss.
Laying Them To Rest
Before anything else is done after they pass on, it is best if family members come together and discuss arrangements for the funeral. It is recommended that you have a family member or friend take care of the death certificate and burial/cremation plans.
This should happen as soon as possible, allowing for a prompt return to normal life afterward. The mode of burial is a way for you to grieve while showing your love as well, whether it’s the process of picking the words of the burial stone or looking for urns with elephants on them for their symbolism. Make sure that everyone is on the same page – discuss who will be involved in what capacity before organizing things. Ask your parents if they would like to be buried or cremated, where you want them to be put to rest, etc… make sure everyone knows exactly what’s going down so everything can go smoothly once they’ve passed away.
A Memorial Service
It can be helpful to have a memorial service for your loved one. The services are led by the funeral director or another person who knows them well and can help family members say goodbye. A number of things happen at the memorial service:
The order of events is generally decided by family members in consultation with the funeral director; however, this decision is ultimately left up to you during the early stages of planning.
At the service, flowers are often used to decorate the area. The arrangement is usually reflective of your loved one’s favourite flower or colour. Pictures are also displayed featuring events shared by your loved ones – both happy and sad moments.
You can even display pictures that you’ve taken together that highlight their life experiences. Images that allow for laughter and tears are good viewing options.
There may be special songs playing in the background at certain points during the ceremony, perhaps along with your tribute video if there is one set up during a slide show portion of the memorial service.
Touching speeches from family members about what they hold dear will more than likely be read as well, elaborating on some of their most invaluable qualities and attributes – and perhaps even some funny and embarrassing moments shared between friends! You can also read off the memories people have about your mother, which you’ve captured in writing.
If there is a display of pictures, be sure to take them with you after the ceremony to add to your personal collection. In addition, take flowers from the arrangement as well if they are not already reserved for another purpose. It’s a way for you to remember them when they’re gone.
Therapy
When someone’s parents die, it can feel like you’re experiencing all of the stages of grief at once. You may feel suicidal or just confused and hollow inside. Therapy is a way for you to express your emotions in a safe environment while learning how to cope with them over time.
A therapist will aim to help you come to terms with what has happened by encouraging you to talk about your feelings and experiences on a regular basis for an allotted number of sessions (usually around 15), which can be weekly or bi-weekly. The best part? It doesn’t cost anything if your loved one had insurance when they passed away.
Talking about their passing can be very difficult at first since some memories might not even seem real – the first year anniversary being an exception. It’s common to have dreams about your loved one, or memories that suddenly come into mind that you haven’t thought of in a long time – every day may be different because it will never be the same without them around.
How To Properly Deal With The Trauma
That said, having therapy as a way to work through these issues can make coping with your parent’s death much more manageable.
It’s okay to cry and feel sad. But in time, you can learn how to accept what has happened and allow yourself to heal with the help of therapy and family/friends.