On Father’s Day, Jimmy Fallon asked the world to give their best #Dadvice and #DadQuotes on Twitter…and the world didn’t let us down. When Dad is normally giving us advice or sharing a personal quote, we can expect them to make some sort of “real world” sense., such as: “Change your oil every 30,000 miles” or “Be sure to carry a can of mace with you if you’re walking alone at night.”
Not these Dads. These Dads have other amazing advice and quotes to share with their children, and I can’t stop laughing. My stomach literally hurts. Go ahead and read to see why!
#1: Don’t let people know how dumb you are.
"When you start a new job, don't talk a lot. This way they won't know how dumb you are." I said,"Thanks, dad!" Guess he was right. #Dadvice
— Lauren (@laurenCoreFit) June 12, 2014
#2: Nobody wants to remember.
Once my dad came to my band show & didn't take any pictures. I asked him why & he said "Nobody wants to remember this". #DadQuotes
— Ed Hill (@kingedhill) June 14, 2017
#3: Bad Drivers.
On my first driving lesson, we passed the cemetery and my dad said, "Buckle up - that's where the bad drivers go." #Dadvice @jimmyfallon
— Tara Patterson (@tpatt356) June 12, 2014
#4: Put one show in each suitcase.
"At the airport my dad said, "Put one shoe in each suitcase so if it gets stolen they can't wear your shoes." #Dadvice"
— LAURA (@lauradarzaaa) March 25, 2015
#5: Just say thanks.
"What do you do when a stranger gives you drugs? Say 'thank you' because drugs are expensive." #Dadvice @jimmyfallon
— Paige Leilani (@paigeleilani) February 17, 2017
#6 All Guts.
Hashtag game! Tweet out something weird, funny, or embarrassing your dad has said and tag it with #DadQuotes. Could be on the show!
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) June 14, 2017
#7: Keep my milk where it is.
Once my dad went to the grocery store n the cashier asked "if u want the milk in the bag" he said, "just leave it in the carton" #DadQuotes
— Marcos (@MarcosAmparo3) June 14, 2017
#8 Everybody hurts sometimes.
My face got really sunburned and when I said "my face hurts" my dad without missing a beat said "not as bad as it's hurting me" #DadQuotes
— Trace Reaves (@trace3304) June 14, 2017
#9: The voices talk to me.
Every time someone asks my dad "how are you?", he ALWAYS responds with "the voices tell me I'm good today". #DadQuotes
— Olivia Balding (@OliBob_1029) June 14, 2017
#10: It’s okay. We have insurance.
When I was younger I was playing softball and told my dad I was afraid to get hit. He responded with "it's ok, we have insurance" #dadquotes
— grace owens (@grace_owens11) June 14, 2017
#11: I’d like to buy a vowel.
My dad told me he accidentally swallowed some scrabble pieces and he "wasn't looking forward to his next vowel movement." #DadQuotes
— Kelsey Raköw (@kejade) June 14, 2017
#12: Mention my name.
Hashtag game! Tweet out something weird, funny, or embarrassing your dad has said and tag it with #DadQuotes. Could be on the show!
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) June 14, 2017
#13: Cloak of Darkness.
When mom wouldn't let dad build a maze of beer cans in our yard he said "You're the cloak of darkness smothering my fire of fun." #DadQuotes
— KRose (@KristenRose124) June 14, 2017
#14: Existing.
Dad: School's the least of your worries. Me: What's the most of my worries? Dad: Existing. #ok #dadvice
— jessica fontenot (@princessjess121) January 25, 2017
#15: Just pray.
Saturday Dadvice My dad told me that if I ever wanted to nap during class To make it look like I'm praying. pic.twitter.com/r5tINH5Ej8
— Mundare Bakery (@BakeryMundare) June 18, 2016
#16. Don’t force it.
Love is like a fart - if you have to force it, it's probably crap. #dadvice
— Hanna (: (@HannaPeters5) November 4, 2016
#17. Make the people talk.
My Dad used to ask us to turn up the tv by saying "make them people talk louder" #DadQuotes
— Sarahjane (@sarahjane2885) June 14, 2017
#18: If a boy asks you for a dance…
Just dropped Emily at 8th grade dance. Last thing I said was "if a boy tries to dance with you punch him in the throat" #dadvice
— Eric Horvath (@erichorvath_) May 13, 2017
#19: Yummy popcorn!
I asked my Dad how he always managed to make delicious popcorn. He said, "that's Pop's secret".#DadQuotes @FallonTonight
— I'm Shucked! (@Aricka_Shuck) June 14, 2017
#20 Next time, hit a Ford.
when i accidentally took out the tail light of a mercedes parked in front of me: "stop crying, pay him, and next time hit a ford" #dadvice
— Nicole (@colemor) June 17, 2017
#21: Amazing Dad tip I have to learn.
Told my dad I was going camping at a local state park for my 30th birthday, he proceeded to give me tips on how to sneak in alcohol #dadvice
— Shanna Hynes (@heart_music87) February 12, 2017
#22: Well, somebody needs to go.
My dad always said, "You better go to church every Sunday. We need somebody int this family to go to Heaven." #Dadvice
— Daveson (@atarikitani) June 13, 2014
#23: I only made one joke.
I told my dad that he only makes dad jokes, and he said, "I've only made one joke in my life, and you're it." #DadQuotes
— Genevieve Thayer (@gengerbreadgirl) June 14, 2017
#24: A bucket of sand.
Friendly career advice from my father:
— Liz Dobson (@lizdobson) June 13, 2017
#25: We’re not hunters.
"Yeah in the tribe we originated from, we were probably comedians, not hunters." #dadvice
— Toby Frevert (@TobyFrevert) June 16, 2017
#26: I want for Sures!
When walking through the incontinence section at the grocery store dad would say "why buy 'depends'? I'd want the 'for sures'" #DadQuotes
— Kristen Briggs (@ms_briggs2) June 14, 2017
#27: Don’t feel bad.
My dad once told me, "Don’t feel bad if you strike out. That just means we can get out of here sooner.” #Dadvice
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) June 11, 2014
#28: Handmade cards.
When I was 13 I gave my dad a handmade Father's Day card. He looked at it & asked: When r u going to start buying me a real card? #DadQuotes
— ReeRee (@its_reeeeena) June 14, 2017
#29: The tooth and nothing but the tooth.
@jimmyfallon My dad used to say be true to your teeth and they'll never be false to you. #DadQuotes
— Livinit (@livinit) June 14, 2017
#30: If I don’t hear from you.
@jimmyfallon My dad used to say be true to your teeth and they'll never be false to you. #DadQuotes
— Livinit (@livinit) June 14, 2017
31: Poof! You’re a sandwich!
Me: Dad can you make a sandwich? (magician's hand gesture) Dad: POOF! You're a sandwich#DadQuotes @FallonTonight
— I'm Shucked! (@Aricka_Shuck) June 14, 2017
#32: Yeah Right.
Watching "Chicken Run," my dad suddenly exclaimed "yeah, right!All those chickens working together like that." #DadQuotes
— Alyson Meldrum (@AlyMeldrum) June 14, 2017
#33: Santa is always watching.
When I was little my dad would tell me to "Behave, or else Santa will come on Christmas Eve and burn our house to the ground." #DadQuotes
— KRose (@KristenRose124) June 14, 2017
#34: The real king.
"Root beer is the king of pop, not Michael Jackson." #DadQuotes
— Pacnel (@Pacnel) June 14, 2017
#35: Painting can be fun.
My friend's dad: "When painting a room, keep the windows shut. You can get a real buzz goin'." #Dadvice
— Mark Huerta (@huertamd) June 11, 2014
These are some of my favorites, but there are literally thousands upon thousands of tweets full of #Dadvice and #DadQuotes! What are some your favorite quotes and tid bits of advice from your Dad? Let me know me know in the comments or send me a tweet!
