This is a letter to my children. I love them so. Hopefully they will understand I will never let them go. Please understand that this will be hard and I don’t know how it will end or how it will start. As the years have gone by so many things have changed. Remembering that I am responsible for every bringing them pain hurts me. The pain is all mine. I feel ashamed. It is about all the things I could have done a little better.
I can never get back those events that I missed. But I can only imagine that you did your best. I wish I would have just taken the time to break away and spend a little more quality time with you. To build and fort, play a card game, color, take more walks and much more. All those times at sporting and school events that I should have stood up and cheered like a crazy fan you, my child. And that is just the beginning of the things that I wish I could have done better.
The time we have together has not been a loss. I can still make you giggle with just one simple touch. I will always remember the fun that we have just cutting up and laughing. The amusement we get out of wrestling in the living room. Those “Hey Dad” moments will never leave me… those are the best
Please understand that I love you with all my heart and soul. Even though I may not seem like it some of the times. Those are the necessary tough love times. I assure you that you will always be number one to me. I will be always be here when you need me. With God’s help, and a bit of time, I hope to be a little short of the perfect dad for you… as well as a grandfather to your kids.
Dear Pepper – You will always be the pacesetter and the one to look up to. The love you carry is spectacular and resilient.
Dear Jake – You may not like to hear me to say it, but I think you and I relate the most. All the way from your servant’s heart to your short little fingers.
Dear JJ – You just have that “WOW” factor about you. The self determination and motivation you have will take you leaps and bounds… if you just let it.
Dear Princess – You will always be the one I am scared of hurting. Your sensitivity seems to escape me more times than it should. For that I apologize.
Dear Monkey – You, child, have and always will keep me on my toes. But no way will I ever turn down one of your “Hug Hugs.” They make me feel complete.
If I have not said it yet… or even if I have… please know that I Love You and always will.