There’s no script for this. No handbook slides into your glovebox when your kids are born that tells you how to handle it when the woman you built a life with starts spiraling. It sneaks in—slow at first. She’s sleeping in late. She’s losing weight.
She’s edgy, or she’s not showing up for things she used to love. You wonder if it’s stress, depression, hormones. Then the missed calls turn into missed nights. The stories don’t add up. And suddenly, you realize what you didn’t want to admit. She’s using.
Being a dad in Texas means stepping up, whether you’re in a small town outside Waco or in the sprawl of Houston. But when your partner’s struggling with addiction, stepping up feels like carrying the weight of the world on one tired back. You’re not just holding down the fort. You’re the fort, the fence, the roof, and the foundation. And no one really talks about what that’s like—especially not for the dads.
The First Thing: Don’t Pretend It’s Not Happening
It’s tempting, especially in front of the kids, to act like everything’s fine. Maybe you tell yourself she’s just having a hard month. Maybe you believe it when she says it’s just wine at night or a few pills from an old prescription. But deep down, you already know when it’s not just that.
Addiction doesn’t care about who she used to be. It doesn’t care how much you love her or how much she loves the kids. It’s a shadow that creeps in, takes root, and starts pulling her away from the life she built. If you feel like you’re watching the light leave her eyes, you probably are. And if you’re the only adult at home who sees it, then the hard truth is, it falls on you to face it.
You don’t need all the answers today, but you do need to stop denying the problem. Because once you say it out loud—even just to yourself—you can start doing something about it. And if the kids are old enough to sense something’s off, they need a version of the truth too. They need to know Dad sees what’s happening and isn’t going to let the whole house fall apart.
You Can’t Fix Her, But You Can Hold the Line
Here’s what’s even harder than realizing she’s using: realizing that you can’t fix it. Love doesn’t cure addiction. Logic doesn’t beat it. Even begging doesn’t shake it. What you can do is hold the line for your family. That means setting boundaries you can live with and sticking to them like your life depends on it—because your sanity probably does.
It might mean telling her she can’t be around the kids when she’s high. It might mean locking up finances or meds or making some tough choices about living arrangements. None of it feels good. But it’s better than letting the house sink quietly into chaos.
You’ll probably doubt yourself. You’ll feel guilty, angry, scared. That’s normal. But don’t confuse loving her with letting her hurt everyone in the process. It’s important to get help—not just for her, but for you too. That could mean counseling, or talking to other dads who’ve been through it. You don’t have to do this solo, even if it feels that way right now.
Don’t Let Texas Pride Get in the Way of Asking for Help
We Texans are proud people. We handle things ourselves. We grit our teeth, we hustle, we provide. But addiction doesn’t play fair, and it doesn’t respect your pride. If you’re trying to navigate this mess with duct tape and duct tape alone, you’re going to wear yourself out. And then who’s left standing for the kids?
There’s strength in reaching out. Whether it’s a church group in Amarillo, a men’s group in Austin, or just your brother-in-law who’s been through some things, don’t let the idea of “being tough” stop you from talking. Even just hearing “you’re not crazy” or “I’ve been there too” can put breath back in your lungs.
And let’s be real: most of us were never taught how to handle something like this. No one sat us down and said, “Hey, if your partner becomes addicted, here’s how you stay standing.” So it’s not weak to admit you’re in over your head. It’s just honest.
Rehab Isn’t a Punishment. It’s a Lifeline
Eventually, there’s going to come a moment when you need to talk about rehab. And yes, she might push back. She might say she’s not “that bad.” But if she’s using daily, disappearing for hours, or missing time with the kids, then yeah—it’s time.
Finding the right place can feel like another mountain to climb. But Texas has options. And a San Antonio, Dallas or Fort Worth drug rehab – finding a rehab that meets her needs is key. You want a place that understands women, mothers, and the weight of addiction. Somewhere she can be vulnerable without judgment, and where recovery isn’t just a one-size-fits-all deal.
The goal isn’t to punish her. It’s to give her a shot at coming back. You’re not sending her away—you’re fighting for her, in the only way that might actually work. It’s hard, yes. But so is watching your family fall apart piece by piece. Rehab gives her a chance to reclaim herself—and you a chance to breathe.
Holding the House Together While She Gets Better
If she goes to treatment, the road’s not over. Now you’re the daily parent, the routine enforcer, the one making mac and cheese while answering tough questions from little faces who miss their mom. It’s a lonely, heavy job.
You’ll need backup. Maybe your own parents. Maybe hers. Maybe friends who can step in with dinner once a week or take the kids to a birthday party when you just can’t fake one more smile. Accept help when it’s offered. Ask for it when it’s not. No medals are given for martyrdom, and your kids don’t need a broken dad just because mom’s getting fixed.
Recovery is a process. She might relapse. She might not come back the way you hoped. But you’ll know you did what you could—calmly, lovingly, firmly. You stood in the gap. And sometimes, that’s the best thing a father can do.
Where It Leaves You
This isn’t the life you imagined when you got married and had kids in Texas. But it’s the one you’re living. And you’re not alone, even if it feels like it some days. You can still protect your kids, support her recovery, and keep yourself from going under in the process.
You just have to take the next step, one decision at a time. That’s how you make it through. Not with perfection, but with purpose.
